Smart Women

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb .... and I also know that I’m not blonde.
- Dolly Parton -

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
- Erica Jong -

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
- Rita Rudner -

4. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.

5. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck -

6. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton -

7. I’m not going to vacuum ‘til Sears makes one you can ride on.
- Roseanne Barr -

8. I think, therefore I’m single.
- Lizz Winstead -

9. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
- Elayne Boosler -

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson -

11. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.
- Gilda Radner -

12. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man;
If you want anything done, ask a woman.
- Margaret Thatcher -

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
- Gloria Steinem -

14. Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.
- Gloria Steinem -

15. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli -

16. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
- Baroness Edith-Summerskill -

17. If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
- Linda Ellerbee -

18. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor -

19. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
- Eleanor Roosevelt -

20. The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
- Helen Hayes (at 73) -

21. I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
- Janette Barber

22. Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
- Jan King -

23. Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
- Lily Tomlin -

24. A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
- Carrie Snow -

25. Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
- Laurie Kuslansky -

26. Old age ain't no place for sissies.
- Bette Davis -

27. A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
- Rhonda Hansome -

28. The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
- Jane Sellman -

29. Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
- Charlotte Whitton -

30. Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
- Caryn Leschen -

31. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
- Catherine Aird -